Seems to me...

I remember hearing (and playing) the Joe Walsh song during the summer of 1978. The chorus started out with "Seems to me you don't want to talk about it; seems to me you just turn... and walk away." My memory doesn't tell me what "it" was, but there's an awful lot that most of us don't want to talk about, at least with the people we need to talk to. Unfortunately, we tend to talk about it with other people instead. Here's what I mean:

[Disclaimer: This is a completely hypothetical situation, not intended to directly represent any person(s) in particular.]

Joe: I have no idea how Roxanne got that job anyway. Everyone knows she can't lead her way out of a wet paper bag.

Edwina: What do you mean, Joe?

Joe: Well, in order for someone to be a leader, other people would have to follow them, and no one follows Roxanne! Besides, it takes a certain amount of intelligence to lead a group such as ours, and she clearly has none. After all, have you ever even heard her defend herself against these charges of incompetence? She hasn't done so because she doesn't know how!

Edwina: On the other hand, maybe Roxanne hasn't defended herself because she hopes people will be able to see that the charges are unfounded, and she doesn't want to attack those who attacked her.

Joe: Oh, I see you're on her side! Well, it's nice to finally know where I actually stand with you.

Edwina: Have you discussed your concerns with Roxanne?

Joe: Of course not! It would be a waste of time.

In this hypothetical scenario, Joe strongly criticizes Roxanne to Edwina, but has not spoken with Roxanne about his concerns. Instead of seeking to work with Roxanne to help her improve her leadership skills, he is trying to build a coalition against Roxanne. Perhaps he wants what's best, but he's not willing to talk with Roxanne. Perhaps Joe is afraid she will argue him down; perhaps he's threatened by her success or worried that he will be exposed as a back-biter. Perhaps he thinks his own position is not secure, and he believes if he can discredit Roxanne, then his own position will be more secure. Regardless, he's unlikely to accomplish much in the way of supporting his organization by this type of conversation. He would stand a much better chance of reforming the organization by earning Roxanne's trust and then helping her in her areas of weakness. In other words, instead of trying to recruit Edwina to his team, fighting against Roxanne and her team, Joe could say to Roxanne, "I can tell you need help; how can I help you accomplish your goals for this quarter?" After working with Roxanne for a while, Joe might find himself in the position of trusted advisor to Roxanne. Joe's leadership could turn into leadership by influence instead of leadership by criticism. It could all start with Joe talking with Roxanne instead of about her. What will he do?

If it were you, what would you do?

More to come.


©2008 J. Michael Bryan. All rights reserved.